National Infertility Awareness Week~ My Story

Attachment-1.jpeg

When I woke up this morning it hit me, I had my first miscarriage 6 years ago today. I had been pregnant for about 10 weeks. Sick almost every day and had heard the heart beat. However, the doctor’s had a feeling something wasn’t right and I was in denial, Until I woke up on April 23 feeling empty, and not pregnant anymore. We got to the doctor and my fear was confirmed. There wasn’t a heartbeat and I had been scheduled for a d&c a day later, April 24 2013, the worst day of my life.
They scheduled a d&c pretty fast for a few reasons. One being it can take a up to three months for the body to recognize the miscarriage, and two, we wanted answers; so the fetus would be tested after the procedure. I didn’t know what to expect, as I didn’t do the research, until after- which was a mistake. Ladies, if ever in that situation: DO NOT look it up. When we went to hear the results two weeks later we were told it was a chromosomal abnormality, to wait a few months and try again, naturally.
Well, what should have been three months was only really 1.5, because by the end of June I had another positive pregnancy test. I was afraid and nervous. But happy. We waited the six weeks to see the doctor. And again, there was a heartbeat and this time the doctors didn’t have any negative feeling. I was told “baby has a strong heartbeat!” What everyone wants to hear. Two days later while working I started to spot. I called the doctor and they had told it could me normal spotting or it could be the beginning of a miscarriage. My heart sank. A day later i went back to the doctor to be told her again there isn’t a heart beat. I had my second d&c that afternoon. The second worst day of my life. When I woke up in the recovery room, my doctor with little bedside manner told both my husband and I to stop trying naturally. I was in shock that a doctor would say that while I’m still in a hospital gown recovering from a second miscarriage.
Now, I don’t really know what depression is as I’ve never been diagnosed with it. But, I am almost certain I experience it for months after the second miscarriage. I’d cry, didn’t want to talk or go out, was in literal pain mentally and emotionally, physically too with the medicine given to help the uterus contract down to normal. Imagine having contractions without pain medicine and no baby to show for it. It’s awful. Beyond. And I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone.
After visits to a fertility specialist we were told my husband has a chromosomal abnormality. He is the carrier of a translocated chromosome. It would be hard to get pregnant apparently after learning this but we also learned that our health insurance didn’t cover IVF, which would have been our next step (I also learned, years after, that I have PCOS which explains some more of our infertility struggles). My specialist suggested because I was still young at the time to try naturally once more when we were ready. If that last “natural” time didn’t work out for us to have our miracle rainbow baby,  Wyatt, we would have been back at that doctor starting IVF.
Getting pregnant wasn’t easy. After the miscarriages and waiting it took time for me to get pregnant again. I honestly thought it wasn’t ever going to happen for us. We would be the cool aunt and uncle to all our friend’s kids.
Once it did happen, I was a high risk pregnancy and i couldn’t connect with the baby at all. I was nervous almost every day thinking I was going to miscarry again. Those nerves never went away. I have a beautiful 4 year old now that I wouldn’t change any of my journey for, but when you’re going through it, that pain is so awful and real, we need friends and family to help mend our broken, aching heart. It was a black hole I didn’t see myself getting out of.
When i started opening up to friends about it, weight seemed to lift off my shoulders. Like why was it such a secret? What was I ashamed of? We are told that this happens more than people realize, that it’s not our fault, and it’s our body’s way of telling us something isn’t right. So if that’s the case, why hide it? I am a firm believer in talking. By sharing my story, I can only wish I’m giving some one else going through a similar situation any form of hope there is in such a shitty time and place in their life.
This week is national infertility awareness week. Let’s #flipthescript and open a new world. One where we can share what we are experiencing and not feel judged or shamed, but rather loved and cared for. Not to be told “it’s going to be ok” by someone who may not have gone through it, but “yes. This sucks, but you know what, you will get through this and I am here for you when you want to talk!”
I would never wish pain like this on anyone. If you have ever gone though any sort of infertility struggle, you know how it feels. Please, Stay strong. Stay positive. And stay hopeful that one day you’ll have your miracle too.

Always remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Advertisements

My Journey 


I am a mom to a handsome, funny 2 year old. His personality is one of a kind and I couldn’t imagine life without him. That being said, becoming a mom was not an easy process, nor was it one that I ever spoke about. It was a journey that my husband and I went through together, and it made us stronger. But, I wish I had someone else who had gone through what I was going through to talk about it with.  Being a female, we need people, our people, to talk to, analyze things with, cry on their shoulder, and I chose to keep it to myself and my husband, and some family. It wasn’t until after my second miscarriage that I felt the need to talk about it with more than my husband. I needed female support.

Being a mom now, and knowing the difficulties it can take some people, I wanted to share my own story to give light to others that may be in the same situation I was in only a few years ago.  I can only hope for others going through it that they do not feel alone, or ashamed, and to reach out to someone and talk about it. Having a solid support system truly does help mend a broken heart.

Read more about MY JOURNEY HERE published by FertileGirl.com

✌️♥️💋

Marathon training guide 

I am training for my second marathon this year. Training is hard and time consuming, and there are days that you think “what the f am I doing?” But if you’ve ever crossed that finish line, you know why you did it.

Last year, I didn’t know that feeling. But was determined to complete my first marathon! I did, and it was amazing… fucking amazing!! The best part about it was that I did this for no one other than myself, and it was truly one of the best days of my life!

804899_1284_0028

Crossing the finish line at the 2016 NYC Marathon. One of my greatest accomplishments!

Shortly after, I was contacted by someone, Heather,  who was writing an online marathon training guide and she wanted to feature me in the “real life story” section. Obviously, I jumped at the opportunity to talk about it, and hopefully inspire someone else to push themselves out of their own comfort zone and do something extraordinary!

I am SO happy to be featured in it, and to share it with you…  Marathon Training Guide– click here!

Remember, as always, to eat for your body–

AND try something new whether it be a new food, exercise, race! Life is too short to stay in the same daily routine.  Get out there and do something youve been wanting to do, but have not done yet!

 

Chocolate always first…

…Well, almost always!

I was listeining to KTU this morning..well every morning, but that’s besides the point… and Carolina (whom I LOVE… PS if reading, Cubby, I love you too!!) was talking about eating some dessert before feasting into Thanksgiving dinner.  She was talking about in a joking way, but to me I took it serious, because there was some seriousness to her entertaining on air about how we all do sometimes over eat on Thanksgiving.  If we eat something sweet first, it may take away some of the craving for food later on, is along the lines of what she said.  I automatically texted in saying that she was semi- correct!  Because, she was!!

I won’t go as far as to say “go ahead, eat all the pies and cakes you see on the dessert table, but I will say, if some dark chocolate catches your eye- go for that!  Dark chocolate has waistline benefits- as it will not add to weight gain, and can even help with weight loss! Now, this is NOT the new go to fad diet, nor will it actually make you lose your goal weight of say 5-10 pounds.  But it can help stop you from over eating.

Dark chocolate is loaded with fiber, which will help you feel fuller longer.  Having a bite of a good quality, high percentage, dark chocolate  before hitting the table for dinner will help you stop over eating because you will feel fuller faster with a smaller amount of food because of the fiber in the piece of chocolate.  It also helps reduce stress, which many people face during the holidays.  Eating a small piece of the dark chocolate will help reduce the stress and help those who do happen to stress eat not eat as much as they may have.

Other benefits of dark chocolate include anti inflammatory properties, due to the flavanols found cocoa.  It can help repair cellular damage and prevent future cellular damge to those who suffer from inflammatory diseases. The flavanols can also help lower blood pressure.  It can also boost blood circulation to the brain to help you stay more focused as well as leave you with healthier, smoother skin.

If these aren’t reasons enough, it is also DELISH!!  But remember- look for the ORGANIC DARK chocolate, that is at least 70% dark.

Here are two of my favorite dark chocolates… I would love to hear about your favorites!!

extreme_panther_dark_chocolate_bars_42425_mainproduct.jpg

My favorite, and 10% of proceeds help endangered wildlife.

greenandblacks.jpg

Another go-to if I see it.  SO tasy and satisfying.

And remember to always eat for your body, it will thank you.

Have a very happy and thankful Thanksgiving!!  Cheers to the holiday season!

Rainy Day Apple Sauce

IMG_9474My little family went apple picking with friends this past weekend and stocked up on some yummy apples! Now that my baby is old enough to try different solids, along with spices, I decided to try making homemade apple sauce,  that way my husband and I could enjoy it too!
IMG_9429

Most recipes for apple sauce require sugar.  I do not use regular sugar, and I would never give my 7.5 month old sugar either, however I did use coconut sugar which, in moderation, has of a lot of benefits for the body, and will not harm my little one the way regular sugar will.  With it being the lowest on the Glycemic index at 35 (sugar is in the 60’s and honey is at 55), it means that it is metabolized more slowly and is easier in the system.  It is high in potassium, magnesium, zinc, and most importantly iron which many babies need supplemented. Coconut sugar also keeps the blood sugar levels steady rather than spiked and crash later like regular cane sugar and even brown sugar.   So it adds sweetness and it is good for us… Doesn’t get better than that!

Ingredients-

IMG_9488

8 Apples peeled, cored, and sliced

11/2 cups water

IMG_9489

1/2 cup organic coconut sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

Directions-

IMG_9490

Put everything in pot and cover.

 Let boil over medium heat for 10-20 minutes (gas and electric cook things differently).  When they are soft enough to mash, they are ready.  Mash with potato masher or fork.  Or, if you’ re like me, you can use your ninja/vitamix/food processor and blend until desired consistency.

IMG_9493Now that apples are in season, it is the perfect time to stock up on some home made applesauce! It is sweet and healthy and perfect for this time of year.

Rainy Day Banana Muffins

IMG_7783

What to do on the second rainy day in a row with a baby who sleeps a lot of the day away?  Bake!!  Anyone who knows me knows I am not much of a baker.  I like the idea of it, but when it comes to the actual combining of the ingredients, I am not a fan of how precise everything has to be!  But out of boredom and the right ingredients, I found myself mixing some things up and making some tasty treats!  Sweet enough for Dessert and healthy enough for breakfast.  What more can you ask for? How about they are dairy free if using dairy free coconut or almond yogurts (SO Delicious brand is a good one), egg free, and can be gluten free depending on flour used!

Ingredients-

2 Bananas- smashed

1/4 cup organic coconut oil

2 Tbsp Almond milk

6 Tbsp organic applesauce

1 cup Vanilla Greek yogurt

1/2 cup Coconut palm sugar

2 cups flour of choice

1 Tbsp baking powder

1/4 tsp cinnamon (I used a little bit more for extra flavor)

*Add ins- chocolate chips, walnuts

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Mix all wet ingredients in one bowl and all dry ingredients in another bowl.  Add wet ingredients to dry and mix together until completely blended.

IMG_7781

Wet and dry ingredients together
IMG_7782

Everything mixed together thoroughly

In muffin tin, either greased or lined with muffin holders, pour batter 3/4 full.  Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until golden on top and baked all the way through.

Enjoy!

Rainy day baking was a success! And remember your body always thanks you when you give it what it craves.

Cheers to the weekend

IMG_7441

It is Friday, which means the weekend is finally here! After a long work week, I am sure many of you are ready for a cocktail!  Since Tuesday was Cinco de Mayo and I had some time to spend in the kitchen, I was able to experiment with some tequila and other ingredients and came up with a tasty margarita!

With the warm weather, the taste of the squeezed oranges and limes was so refreshing and the added light agave added the perfect amount of sweetness to it, I may have to make this my new summer drink.

Not only is it tasty, it is all fresh ingredients with no added sugars, making it good for you too!  Try it tonight and let me know how it is!

Ingredients-

2 ounces good silver tequila (I used Esperanto)

1 ounce freshly squeezed orange juice

1.5 ounces freshly squeezed lime juice

1 teaspoon light agave

Add ice and ingredients to shaker and shake. Pour over ice in rocks glass and enjoy!

Happy Friday!