National Infertility Awareness Week~ My Story

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When I woke up this morning it hit me, I had my first miscarriage 6 years ago today. I had been pregnant for about 10 weeks. Sick almost every day and had heard the heart beat. However, the doctor’s had a feeling something wasn’t right and I was in denial, Until I woke up on April 23 feeling empty, and not pregnant anymore. We got to the doctor and my fear was confirmed. There wasn’t a heartbeat and I had been scheduled for a d&c a day later, April 24 2013, the worst day of my life.
They scheduled a d&c pretty fast for a few reasons. One being it can take a up to three months for the body to recognize the miscarriage, and two, we wanted answers; so the fetus would be tested after the procedure. I didn’t know what to expect, as I didn’t do the research, until after- which was a mistake. Ladies, if ever in that situation: DO NOT look it up. When we went to hear the results two weeks later we were told it was a chromosomal abnormality, to wait a few months and try again, naturally.
Well, what should have been three months was only really 1.5, because by the end of June I had another positive pregnancy test. I was afraid and nervous. But happy. We waited the six weeks to see the doctor. And again, there was a heartbeat and this time the doctors didn’t have any negative feeling. I was told “baby has a strong heartbeat!” What everyone wants to hear. Two days later while working I started to spot. I called the doctor and they had told it could me normal spotting or it could be the beginning of a miscarriage. My heart sank. A day later i went back to the doctor to be told her again there isn’t a heart beat. I had my second d&c that afternoon. The second worst day of my life. When I woke up in the recovery room, my doctor with little bedside manner told both my husband and I to stop trying naturally. I was in shock that a doctor would say that while I’m still in a hospital gown recovering from a second miscarriage.
Now, I don’t really know what depression is as I’ve never been diagnosed with it. But, I am almost certain I experience it for months after the second miscarriage. I’d cry, didn’t want to talk or go out, was in literal pain mentally and emotionally, physically too with the medicine given to help the uterus contract down to normal. Imagine having contractions without pain medicine and no baby to show for it. It’s awful. Beyond. And I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone.
After visits to a fertility specialist we were told my husband has a chromosomal abnormality. He is the carrier of a translocated chromosome. It would be hard to get pregnant apparently after learning this but we also learned that our health insurance didn’t cover IVF, which would have been our next step (I also learned, years after, that I have PCOS which explains some more of our infertility struggles). My specialist suggested because I was still young at the time to try naturally once more when we were ready. If that last “natural” time didn’t work out for us to have our miracle rainbow baby,  Wyatt, we would have been back at that doctor starting IVF.
Getting pregnant wasn’t easy. After the miscarriages and waiting it took time for me to get pregnant again. I honestly thought it wasn’t ever going to happen for us. We would be the cool aunt and uncle to all our friend’s kids.
Once it did happen, I was a high risk pregnancy and i couldn’t connect with the baby at all. I was nervous almost every day thinking I was going to miscarry again. Those nerves never went away. I have a beautiful 4 year old now that I wouldn’t change any of my journey for, but when you’re going through it, that pain is so awful and real, we need friends and family to help mend our broken, aching heart. It was a black hole I didn’t see myself getting out of.
When i started opening up to friends about it, weight seemed to lift off my shoulders. Like why was it such a secret? What was I ashamed of? We are told that this happens more than people realize, that it’s not our fault, and it’s our body’s way of telling us something isn’t right. So if that’s the case, why hide it? I am a firm believer in talking. By sharing my story, I can only wish I’m giving some one else going through a similar situation any form of hope there is in such a shitty time and place in their life.
This week is national infertility awareness week. Let’s #flipthescript and open a new world. One where we can share what we are experiencing and not feel judged or shamed, but rather loved and cared for. Not to be told “it’s going to be ok” by someone who may not have gone through it, but “yes. This sucks, but you know what, you will get through this and I am here for you when you want to talk!”
I would never wish pain like this on anyone. If you have ever gone though any sort of infertility struggle, you know how it feels. Please, Stay strong. Stay positive. And stay hopeful that one day you’ll have your miracle too.

Always remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

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My Journey 


I am a mom to a handsome, funny 2 year old. His personality is one of a kind and I couldn’t imagine life without him. That being said, becoming a mom was not an easy process, nor was it one that I ever spoke about. It was a journey that my husband and I went through together, and it made us stronger. But, I wish I had someone else who had gone through what I was going through to talk about it with.  Being a female, we need people, our people, to talk to, analyze things with, cry on their shoulder, and I chose to keep it to myself and my husband, and some family. It wasn’t until after my second miscarriage that I felt the need to talk about it with more than my husband. I needed female support.

Being a mom now, and knowing the difficulties it can take some people, I wanted to share my own story to give light to others that may be in the same situation I was in only a few years ago.  I can only hope for others going through it that they do not feel alone, or ashamed, and to reach out to someone and talk about it. Having a solid support system truly does help mend a broken heart.

Read more about MY JOURNEY HERE published by FertileGirl.com

✌️♥️💋

Marathon training guide 

I am training for my second marathon this year. Training is hard and time consuming, and there are days that you think “what the f am I doing?” But if you’ve ever crossed that finish line, you know why you did it.

Last year, I didn’t know that feeling. But was determined to complete my first marathon! I did, and it was amazing… fucking amazing!! The best part about it was that I did this for no one other than myself, and it was truly one of the best days of my life!

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Crossing the finish line at the 2016 NYC Marathon. One of my greatest accomplishments!

Shortly after, I was contacted by someone, Heather,  who was writing an online marathon training guide and she wanted to feature me in the “real life story” section. Obviously, I jumped at the opportunity to talk about it, and hopefully inspire someone else to push themselves out of their own comfort zone and do something extraordinary!

I am SO happy to be featured in it, and to share it with you…  Marathon Training Guide– click here!

Remember, as always, to eat for your body–

AND try something new whether it be a new food, exercise, race! Life is too short to stay in the same daily routine.  Get out there and do something youve been wanting to do, but have not done yet!

 

Chocolate always first…

…Well, almost always!

I was listeining to KTU this morning..well every morning, but that’s besides the point… and Carolina (whom I LOVE… PS if reading, Cubby, I love you too!!) was talking about eating some dessert before feasting into Thanksgiving dinner.  She was talking about in a joking way, but to me I took it serious, because there was some seriousness to her entertaining on air about how we all do sometimes over eat on Thanksgiving.  If we eat something sweet first, it may take away some of the craving for food later on, is along the lines of what she said.  I automatically texted in saying that she was semi- correct!  Because, she was!!

I won’t go as far as to say “go ahead, eat all the pies and cakes you see on the dessert table, but I will say, if some dark chocolate catches your eye- go for that!  Dark chocolate has waistline benefits- as it will not add to weight gain, and can even help with weight loss! Now, this is NOT the new go to fad diet, nor will it actually make you lose your goal weight of say 5-10 pounds.  But it can help stop you from over eating.

Dark chocolate is loaded with fiber, which will help you feel fuller longer.  Having a bite of a good quality, high percentage, dark chocolate  before hitting the table for dinner will help you stop over eating because you will feel fuller faster with a smaller amount of food because of the fiber in the piece of chocolate.  It also helps reduce stress, which many people face during the holidays.  Eating a small piece of the dark chocolate will help reduce the stress and help those who do happen to stress eat not eat as much as they may have.

Other benefits of dark chocolate include anti inflammatory properties, due to the flavanols found cocoa.  It can help repair cellular damage and prevent future cellular damge to those who suffer from inflammatory diseases. The flavanols can also help lower blood pressure.  It can also boost blood circulation to the brain to help you stay more focused as well as leave you with healthier, smoother skin.

If these aren’t reasons enough, it is also DELISH!!  But remember- look for the ORGANIC DARK chocolate, that is at least 70% dark.

Here are two of my favorite dark chocolates… I would love to hear about your favorites!!

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My favorite, and 10% of proceeds help endangered wildlife.

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Another go-to if I see it.  SO tasy and satisfying.

And remember to always eat for your body, it will thank you.

Have a very happy and thankful Thanksgiving!!  Cheers to the holiday season!

Superbowl Brownie Bites!

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As everyone knows, I have had a sweet tooth for the last nine months.  My best friend sent me a link last weekend of healthy brownie bites, and me being the health crazed person I am read the ingredients, health-ified it even more and made them for myself and husband for this week.  OMG- They were delish.

The sweet potato adds a sweetness to it so you do not need as much sugar as you would in normal brownies, and it makes it healthier so you do not have to feel guilty when you eat more than one!

The original recipe can be found here.

My recipe-

  • 1 large sweet potato- I do not recommend microwaving- steam or bake it.  It does take a little bit longer, but it is better for you, and will add to the flavor!
  • 1/3 cup hot coffee- Freshly brewed
  • 1/3 cup mini peanut butter chips to give it a chocolate peanut butter taste
  • 2 tablespoons coconut oil- melted
  • 4 tablespoons of applesauce
  • 1/2 cup coconut sugar – Brown sugar can be just as bad as white sugar, and coconut sugar can actually keep blood sugar levels stable rather than spike it up which causes you to crash later on
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup gluten free all purpose flour- Bob’s Red Mill
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 3/4 cup cocoa powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350-

Bake Sweet potato until soft.  Scoop out one cup of flesh and put to the side

Pour hot coffee over the peanut butter chips and stir until completely melted in a small bowlIMG_6337

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In a large bowl- combine the  sweet potato, coconut oil, applesauce, sugar and vanilla. Stir to combine. Then add the chocolate coffee mixture to the sweet potato mixture and mix well.

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In a another bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, cocoa powder, and salt. Add mixture to the sweet potato mixture and stir just to combine.

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Using mini cupcake tin, fill 3/4 and bake for 8 minutes.

I added chocolate chips (Enjoy Life- which are allergy friendly) and peanut butter chips on top before baking to add some flavor!

(I changed the recipe to make it Healthy Living with Alix approved, but the directions have stayed the same from the recipe above)

Enjoy!

This is a perfect dessert for the Super Bowl, or any other winter get together.  Or just a yummy, healthy treat to enjoy during the cold winter months!

 

Oatmeal chocolate chip smoothie

Since being pregnant, my body has encountered quite a few changes, including a developing sweet tooth I have never had before! The worst part about it- I do not just want sweets at the end of the day, I want then ALL day! So instead of indulging in candy, ice cream (which happens to be my favorite!), or other not-so-great choices, I made a delicious smoothie that is good as a healthy breakfast, a great pre-workout smoothie, or a sweet snack/dessert. It is loaded with the good-for-you, complex carbs, protein, and fiber, which will help you feel fuller longer and keep you going all day!

 

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Smoothie

All ingredients are organic

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¼ cup rolled oats

1 Frozen banana– or not frozen, just add handful of ice

1 cup Almond Milk

2 Tablespoons dark chocolate chips- I use Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips, which are soy free, dairy free, and nut free

½ teaspoon Cinnamon

1 teaspoon organic vanilla

1 Tablespoon flax seeds

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Blend together until smooth.

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Pour in a glass, sprinkle some cinnamon on top, and enjoy!

You should never deprive yourself of something your body is telling you it wants. Find healthy alternatives, or eat what you want in moderation. When you satisfy your cravings, even the sweet ones, your body will thank you.

Goodbye 2014!

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It is almost time to say goodbye to 2014 and start a fresh new year! My favorite part of a new year is that everything is fresh.  The things of the past get to remain in the past and we get to start a new clean slate! With that being said, many people make resolutions for the new year, however I am not a believer in that.  Why should you promise yourself to do something that most of us know we are going to forget halfway through the year?  Instead, I like to make goals for myself and hope to reach them by the end of the year. When you set goals you are envisioning a certain result, therefore it may be easier to reach rather than making a promise to yourself.  You can not break a goal, you just would not reach it in the time frame you gave yourself.  You can, however, break your new year resolution, which many of us do on a year to year basis. 

When you make your goals for 2015, think about some things in your life from 2014 that you want to improve, whether it is eating a little healthier on a weekly basis, running or exercising more often, or cooking more meals for yourself.  After you figure it out, set a time frame that you would like to do these things in, and make sure to make them realistic for yourself.  If you are a person who likes to eat out most of the week, but would like to start cooking more at home, set a goal of cooking for yourself two times a week and see where you go from there.  When setting them in a realistic time frame, you won’t end up disappointing yourself, or feeling as if you can not succeed because you were trying to do it all at once.

Some of my goals for the upcoming new year are~

– Getting back into an exercise routine once Baby B is here

– Trying to cook more of a variety than I do these days

– Once Baby B can eat solids, I want to try to make most of his food, but I will be prepared if I can not always do it and I will be ok with giving him other pre-made foods.

– As I am embarking motherhood, I would like to try to just go with the flow and realize I can not plan everything because those plans will change

– Enjoy everyday, because you never know what can happen.

Whether or not you chose to list goals for the new year, or just go into it the same way you are ending 2014, the choice is yours!  Just remember to stay safe and healthy!  Wishing all of you a very happy and healthy 2015!!!